Liars Like Me
by lucawindmover
Summary: Inoue Orihime is biding her time in Hueco Mundo without causing much trouble, but when a certain mad scientist wishes to use her as an experiment, Orihime must struggle just to keep her life. Can she convince Ulquiorra that she is a soul worth saving?
1. Chapter 1

Liars Like Me

By Lucawindmover

Chapter One

"Here's the Massacre"

Two days. At least, she thought it had been two days. They had brought her two breakfasts at this point, so she was pretty sure it had been two days. But outside her window, the sliver of a moon had not changed its position in the sky. The shadows in her room had not changed, had not lengthened or moved. The air still felt like night, cool and crisp despite the desert surrounding Las Noches.

Inoue Orihime sighed and looked down at her lap, still unsure that she had done the right thing. When her keeper, Ulquiorra Cifer, had brought her uniform this morning it was almost more than she could stand to put it on. But she was determined to save her friends and if having to play Aizen's lap dog was the way to do it, that was what she was going to do. She still wasn't entirely sure what he wanted her for. Sure, her power had grown a bit in the last month or so, but she still didn't see herself as being worthy of kidnap.

Not kidnap.

She had to keep reminding herself that she was really here of her own choice. She was forced to choose between herself and the lives of her friends. She chose their lives and so here she sat, alone in her cold rooms wondering what time of day it could be in the real world. She had lost all sense of time.

_And I'll lose all sense of how long I've been here if I don't keep some kind of record,_ she thought to herself.

Orihime startled as she heard a knock on her door. She looked up to see her captor, Ulquiorra, open the door. He stepped in the room and moved to the side so that a few lower Arrancar could move in and place a tray of food on the table. They left quickly, as if they were afraid to be in her presence. She wasn't really hungry yet. She hadn't realized that it should be time for her to eat something again already. Time moved strangely here for her. She didn't move from the couch and stared across the room at the dinner tray without actually seeing it.

"Eat, woman," Ulquiorra said from the doorway.

Orihime sighed. It was like this at almost every meal now. She didn't feel the need to eat and he felt the need to threaten force. She broke the cycle and instead of arguing, moved across the room to the table. She picked up her chop sticks and took a bite of under seasoned food. Ulquiorra stood in the doorway, waiting to see that she swallowed. When she did, he nodded and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Orihime called, causing him to pause though he didn't turn around. Orihime balled her hands into fists at her sides. "I need something."

Ulquiorra turned, face impassive. "I was told to tend to your needs. What are you lacking?" he said, his voice firm and cold.

"I would like to have a notebook, paper of some kind, and a pen…please," Orihime said, her voice less sure than it had been a moment before.

"And this is a need?" Ulquiorra asked. "Why?"

Orihime clenched her fists tighter, until she could feel her nails biting into the palms of her hands. "I need to keep a journal. I need to be able to remember how long I've been here."

"Why?" he asked again. Orihime couldn't tell if he wanted to know this because he didn't think she had a good reason, or if he were just curious. His tone of voice was the same as before so she couldn't even hazard a guess.

She sighed, her shoulders drooping a bit. "For my mental well-being, let's call it that."

"Your mental well-being is a need," he said. At first she thought he was asking a question, but it turned out he seemed to be agreeing with her.

With that, he turned and left, pulling the door shut behind him.

Orihime listened as the door closed and, as always, waited to hear some kind of lock that never came. As far as she could tell, they never locked her in. Ulquiorra never told her to stay in her room. Orihime just assumed that she should. Even though she knew she'd come here as her own choice, she couldn't escape the mentality of having been brought against her will.

She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She shrugged her shoulders to relieve some of the tension there and then sat at the table to eat her dinner.

* * *

><p>Orihime didn't sleep well in Hueco Mundo. She wasn't sure if it was the situation she was in, which was very likely, or the fact that she was forced to sleep on a couch. All of her life she'd slept on a futon on the floor. The couch felt strange, both too soft and too hard. She didn't like the way it cradled her, as if it too were holding her captive. She tried putting the cushions on the floor and sleeping there, but it was no better and made her more stiff.<p>

She ended up trying to make due on the couch, though she slept restlessly. She wasn't even sure how long she'd slept since she had no way to keep time. She only had one change of clothes as well. She rolled over on her back and threw her arm across her eyes, sighing. She knew her uniform would be wrinkled when she woke up. She had no idea how the others kept their uniforms so crisp and clean. What did they sleep in? Did they even sleep in anything? She blushed at the thought.

Did they even sleep?

She had a lot of questions about the Arrancar, things like this. Every time Ulquiorra brought her meals in, she fought with her natural curiosity. Did they eat anything besides souls? Did they have bathrooms somewhere? She was escorted to a small bathroom next to her room several times a day, which Orihime found embarrassing. The tiny room had only a toilet, and even this was different than what she had expected. It was more or less a hole in a bench, and she wasn't sure where the refuse went. She was starting to think there wasn't any water in Hueco Mundo.

She ran her fingers through her lank hair. What she wouldn't give for a nice hot bath. Ulquiorra said he was to tend to her needs. Did that mean he could find a way to fix her a bath? She didn't think his courtesy would stretch that far, but then, what did she know?

So many questions boiling in her brain, it was a wonder she ever fell asleep. Somehow she managed it, and was rudely awoken a few hours later as her door was pushed open. Bright light from the hallway shone in, right across her face, pulling her out of sleep. She sat up to see Ulquiorra coming through the door, the servants bustling behind him with a tray of food for her. She wasn't sure if they were actually servants or not, but that was the only thing she had to compare them to.

Ulquiorra dismissed them with a wave of his hand and they left, pulling the door shut behind them. Ulquiorra stayed, leaning against the wall and staring at her.

Orihime felt suddenly self-conscious of her tousled hair and wrinkled clothing. She turned and put her feet on the floor, trying to ignore his presence as she pulled her fingers through her hair, working out the worst of the tangles. She took a deep breath and stood, moving over to sit at the table. Whether it was breakfast, lunch, or dinner, she was served the same meal. A bowl of rice, steamed vegetables, and an apple. She was getting used to it, but she figured it would drive her crazy after a while.

She took a bite of the vegetables without being told to. She had assumed Ulquiorra had been waiting to see that she was going to eat. When she glanced up to see him watching her, she wasn't surprised. Those quiet, emotionless green eyes watched her every move as she chewed and swallowed. She didn't take her eyes away from his, waiting for him to say or do something.

But he just quietly stared, leaning back against the wall with his hands folded behind his back.

Behind his back? That was odd. She was so accustomed to seeing him with his hands in his pockets. She was tired of waiting. She figured she'd be waiting for an eternity if she wanted him to speak first.

"Was there something you wanted, Ulquiorra?" Orihime asked, folding her hands in her lap.

Ulquiorra put his right foot up against the wall and pushed off. He moved toward her, his hands still behind his back. She was not yet used to the way his footsteps echoed as he made his way across the room.

"I believe there was something _you_ wanted," he replied as he closed in on the table. Orihime's eyes widened in surprise as he laid a black, leather-bound notebook and pen on the table across from her food. She was stunned.

Before she could say a word, Ulquiorra said, "You can thank Aizen-sama when you see him next. He seems to think you keeping a journal would be a good idea."

Orihime looked up at him and almost smiled. His eyes narrowed a fraction, as if he could read her thoughts. "Thank you, Ulquiorra, for asking him for me."

"As I said before, I am not the one to thank," he said. He turned and headed back to the door. When he reached it, he turned his head and, over his shoulder, said, "Do not let this make you think you can ask me for any frivolous desire you may have. I am not here to serve or indulge you."

With this, he left.

Orihime, no longer the least bit hungry, pushed her tray to the side and grabbed the notebook. She was eager to inspect it. The material on the exterior was as she had originally suspected, a supple, black leather with thin leather ties. She untied them and flipped the book open to the middle. The pages were soft, a very pale yellow color with no lines. She grimaced as she tried to imagine keeping her handwriting legible without lines.

"Well," she mumbled to herself, "At least I'm the only one who will read it."

She then flipped to the first page where she found there was already writing.

"Dearest Orihime, Ulquiorra has requisitioned this journal for you from the human world. I felt it was important to our endeavors to keep you as sane as possible. You must realize by now that there is no way for your friends to survive the upcoming events. Your life shall be forfeit as well, should you fail to be of some use to me. Rest easy until I summon you. –Aizen"

Orihime stared at the sentences on the page, her eyes heavy with tears. How could he speak of the death of her friends with no remorse? How could he tell her these things while at the same time professing to care about her sanity? He knew better than most perhaps that the only reason she had agreed to come here was to save them.

Did this mean she had sacrificed herself for nothing? She had agreed to massacre her morals for a chance at sparing them. And now, if she couldn't find some way to be useful to him, she would lose her own life as well. There had to be some way she could be useful and still save Kurosaki-kun and the others. If it meant more pieces of her soul were on the line, she didn't care.

She took a deep breath, trying to steel herself for the trials to come. She wouldn't let them win. She knew, in her heart of hearts, she would find a way.

* * *

><p>AN: Welcome Ulquihime shippers, and anyone else who likes a tragic pairing. Thank you for reading thus far. This is my first attempt at a Bleach fan fiction. I've been reading quite a few lately and the idea for this one just wouldn't leave me alone until it had been written. I'm one of those authors who prefer to attempt to keep the characters as true to the originals as possible. This story will change the course of events a bit from the manga and anime, I'll warn you now. And, as for lemons, if they happen, they happen. I'm rating this story mature so that if things tend that way, I don't have to change the rating later. I don't like to write a lemon just for the sake of it, but that doesn't mean there won't be one. Alright, now that I have you all confused, I would greatly appreciate some feedback. Let me know what you like and what you don't like. Thanks very much!

Also, this whole story was inspired by the song "S.C.A.V.A." by Hollywood Undead. Most of the titles of the chapters are taking from lyrics from that particular song. It's fantastic and tells this story perfectly so I very much recommend looking it up and giving it a listen. Fantastic song.

Disclaimer: I do not profess to own the rights to any of these characters and I do not profit from writing this story. While I truly enjoy borrowing these wonderful personalities, the credit for their creation goes solely to whomever owns the rights to Bleach. Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

Liars Like Me

By Lucawindmover

Chapter Two

"A Mausoleum Fit For Me"

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><p>Dear Journal, wait. Do I need to put the "dear" there if it's not a diary? What's the difference between a journal and a diary anyway? Maybe they're the same, who knows? I've never kept a regular journal before. Sure, I've started one a couple of different times, but I can never seem to keep up with them. I do tend to get distracted. My friends used to tease me about that, but I didn't mind. Of course this time will be different because it seems I don't really have anything else to do right now.<p>

All I've done for the last few days is sit here and wait to be summoned by Aizen. I can't say that I look forward to being summoned to his throne room. I mean, he really frightens me. Frightens me in a way that I'm not sure I can entirely explain. I had to rip out the page he wrote in here. I left it on my tray to be taken away with the garbage. Okay, I mean he never yells or anything and he's never laid a finger on me. But sometimes, the way he stares at me, like he's arranging pieces on a chessboard and I'm nothing more than a pawn, that's what scares me. I feel like at any moment he may decide I'm one of those pieces he needs to sacrifice. If he makes that choice I'm done for.

I try not to think about dying. I mean, here in the hollow world, I feel like I'm already sitting in a tomb, just waiting to die. When I think things like that, it makes me really sad and I have to shake myself out of it. I mean, my friends would be really angry if they thought I'd just given up. It's bad enough that they probably think I'm a traitor. Surely anyone who really knows me, like Kurosaki-kun, will realize that I was just trying to protect them. He would know that there was a good reason to do what I did. But the rest of Soul Society? Ulquiorra has already hinted that they believe me a traitor and that I'm not worthy of rescue.

On that, we both agree. I don't really think I'm worthy of rescue either. I'm so torn between hoping no one comes to get me and then wishing that they would. But I suppose that's the nature of the situation. I would like to be rescued but I don't want anyone to be in danger to do it. I'm just a walking contradiction, aren't I journal?

So during those times that I'm trying to be positive, I do things like this. It turns out that I like writing quite a bit. I have also been trying to make friends. I know that sounds ridiculous. I mean, how do you be friends with hollow? Turns out, you don't really. No one seems to want to talk to me. I've found that I'm not actually as captive as I thought I was. I mean, they don't lock my door. Ulquiorra hasn't told me that I couldn't leave. I'm not so sure it's safe if I were to go out and take a look around, so I haven't tried it. But I'm thinking that if I wanted to just take a walk, I could probably do that.

Speaking of Ulquiorra, he's the one I'm trying to make friends with the hardest. Maybe it's because I see him more often than anyone else. He almost always comes in with my meals. He used to order me to eat, but I've been beating him to the chase here lately. Really though, I think they're going to have to vary my menu a bit. I'm getting so _so_ tired of steamed veggies and rice. I'm really missing my bean paste. Cooking for myself would be something so nice to do again.

So here I am, getting to the point that I really wanted to write about. Yesterday, I was eating my lunch. Ulquiorra sometimes stays to make sure I eat everything and it was one of those days. He was standing next to the door with his hands in his pockets, as usual. I've started to get used to the way he looks at me, like he's looking through to all my insides. It isn't an emotional "look inside my head and heart" kind of feeling, but a feeling like he can actually see my blood pumping and my organs working. It's weird and kind of creepy. But like I said, I'm starting to get used to it.

But getting used to the silence is more difficult to me. I can't help it really. I've always been that person who likes to make other people feel comfortable. And let me tell you, Ulquiorra never seems to look comfortable. He doesn't really look _un_comfortable either, he really just looks indifferent.

Anyway, because it was too quiet, I tried starting a conversation. "So um, Ulquiorra, what are you thinking about?"

I looked up from my meal to see him watching me, as usual. I swear I saw his eyes narrow.

"Why do you ask this?" he responded.

I shrugged. "I'm just trying to make conversation. You looked like you had something on your mind."

There was a long pause. I continued eating. I had just figured he wasn't going to say anything when he surprised me. "Why do you humans worry so much about conversation? It seems you hardly say anything important."

"Hey now," I said. I put down my chopsticks and crossed my arms across my chest. "Humans aren't the only ones who talk just to be talking. I've heard plenty of the Fraccion around here talking about pretty normal things, just like humans do."

Well, maybe not _just_ like humans. Humans don't usually talk about decapitating one another, or trying to best one another in battles to the death. But that _was_ pretty normal conversation for the Fraccion Arrancar, the kind of underling Arrancar around here, so I was sticking to my grounds.

Ulquiorra closed his eyes and seemed to sigh. "You are correct. I should have said 'lesser beings' rather than 'humans.' My mistake."

This really bothered me. I've spent a lot of time in my life getting over the feelings of being "lesser" than others. A counselor at school told me I have low self-esteem. So for the last few years I've really been working on it. I think my brother would want me to be strong that way. And lately, my friends have needed me to be strong as well. I wasn't about to let anyone else make me feel "lesser" again.

I think he could tell I was angry. When he opened his eyes to look at me again, I probably had steam coming out of my ears. I glared daggers at him and asked, "Why are we _humans_ considered lesser beings, _Ulquiorra_?"

If he ever smirked, it probably would have been right there. I could see the smirk in his eyes, even if his face didn't change. "I consider your kind lesser beings because of this, right here. I say a few words and you are enraged. Your petty emotions and lack of logical thought are some of the things that make you a lesser being."

"Would you call your fellow Espada lesser beings? I've seen a few of them succumb to _emotions_ and become _enraged_," I said. I was angry, and on the edge of my seat, but I didn't yell. I didn't get up and hit him in the head, which I very much wanted to do. I guess I was afraid he was right. And I really didn't want him to be right.

"I would call anyone who falls prey to these emotions, at the sacrifice of logic, a lesser being," he responded. He still hadn't moved from the wall. His hands were still in his pockets. His expression was the same. We could have been talking about the weather or food or anything at all. It occurred to me then that this kind of conversation was likely to be all I could get out of Ulquiorra.

I looked back at my food. It was getting cold. The vegetables were pretty bad once they got cold. I shoved a bite in my mouth and chewed while I thought about what to say. I didn't have to look up to know he was still watching me. I guess I could almost feel it.

"You know," I said after I had swallowed. "I think you're wrong."

"You would naturally believe that," he said.

I glared. "Would you let me finish?" I asked. When he didn't say anything, I continued. "I think you're wrong about those of us who have emotions. We aren't lesser than you. We're different from you." I paused. I didn't like having to say what I was going to say, even though he had made me mad. I'm not usually someone who retaliates. It's funny to me now, but even with what I was going to say I was worried about hurting his _feelings_.

"We're different from you because you don't _have_ any emotions," I finally said, not taking my eyes from his. "You aren't better than us because you can rise above such petty things as anger and jealousy and love, hate. _You_ are lesser because you can't even _feel_ them. You can't be better. You can't even feel what it would be like to _be_ better."

I had to take a deep breath. Somewhere in there, I realized I felt sorry for him. He couldn't feel. Not anything. Sure, he couldn't get really mad, or feel hate, or feel envy. But he couldn't feel joy. He couldn't feel love. That's a terrible trade, I think. My eyes were getting a little watery and I felt a knot in my throat. It wasn't so much because I felt bad for him, but trying to imagine what it would be like. I hate that I have such a great imagination sometimes.

He continued to stare at me, but now it looked like he was actually thinking about what I had said. I'm not sure what I had expected him to say. If he were human, I would have expected him to get angry at me. Maybe yell and storm out or something. But he wasn't human, and he wasn't doing anything that I expected.

"Aren't you going to argue?" I asked in a quiet voice. I couldn't keep looking at him so I looked down to my hands in my lap. I suppose that's my default. When things get tough, I look at my hands. I don't know why I do that, but it's something I've always done.

I didn't look up when he spoke. "I don't have time to argue with you. Eat."

I did look up when I heard the door open and close. He was gone.

So now, as I'm writing this, it makes me think. _Did_ I hurt his feelings? It didn't really seem like it. His face didn't change. He didn't say anything to give it away. Could I have been wrong? Could he have feelings after all? Who knows, journal. Well, Ulquiorra knows, but it seems he's not likely to tell me.

But still, I sit here and worry. I have been trying so hard to make myself feel comfortable here. If I've made him mad or something, that's going to haunt me. I keep trying to think of some way to make it up to him, but what could I do? I mean, what would he even want? Does he want anything at all? Good grief, I'm just talking myself in circles. I'll try talking to him the next time my food comes. I'll write again after that.

Goodnight, journal.

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I hope everyone enjoys the story so far. I know it's moving a little slow here at the beginning, but it's about to be picking up. Bear with me. One thing I've learned while writing this relationship is that if you rush it, it isn't believable. But this is a great challenge for me and I'm enjoying it. Up next, a little of what's going on in Ulquiorra's mind…

Disclaimer: I do not profess to own the rights to any of these characters and I do not profit from writing this story. While I truly enjoy borrowing these wonderful personalities, the credit for their creation goes solely to whomever owns the rights to Bleach. Thanks.


	3. Chapter 3

"Liars Like Me"

By Lucawindmover

Chapter Three: "I've Lived a Hundred Years"

* * *

><p>Ulquiorra closed the door behind him and leaned against it with his hands in his pockets. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door and listened as she finished her lunch. He could hear the scrape of her chopsticks, the clink of her setting down a bowl, the giggle she made when she burped in the silence and excused herself. He could hear the swish of her garments as she stood and moved, to the window he was sure. He could hear her heartbeat, her quietly spoken prayers to the moon.<p>

She was such a curiosity to him. Her every movement, her every breath and word and heartbeat, for that matter. He wanted to take her apart and understand her. Maybe not the way that Szayel Aporro Granz would do. Ulquiorra didn't want to actually cut her to pieces and study them before pickling them in jars. He didn't even understand what it was about he that captivated him. If you can't see it, it doesn't exist. Isn't that what he's always believed? If that's the case, why did he think there was more to this girl? Why did he think there was something there that he _couldn't_ see, something that he really needed to understand? There weren't a lot of things he didn't understand, but there was something about this girl. This lesser being, this human trash.

He didn't like it. Not one bit.

He pushed away from the door and headed down the hallway. He took the twists and turns in stride, not paying much attention to them. He knew where he was going. Anyone who didn't would be terribly lost within a matter of minutes. He pushed open a door to his left and found himself on a wide ledge overlooking the sand dunes. He stepped out, leaving the door open behind him. He moved over to the edge and took a seat. He kept his hands in his pockets and stared out over the open sand.

A hundred years.

He could remember a hundred years of consciousness. He didn't remember anything before that, and he was sure he didn't want to. Or care for that matter. He spent a hundred years getting to the point where he was now. He had power. He had strength. He had a keen mind.

A mind that was slowly becoming obsessed with a human girl.

He could feel her reiatsu from here. He could tell that she was standing by her window. Perhaps that's why he unconsciously picked this location. Her rooms were just a few floors below him, her window looking out over the same dunes.

She had called him out. She had told him that he was the lesser being, for not feeling the way she could. Because he didn't feel anger or love or regret, that made _him_ the lesser of the two of them. He wasn't sure he shared that opinion. In fact, he was pretty sure she was terribly wrong. He was cool and logical, what else did he need? She spoke of love and hate. Who would want to feel either of those emotions? They both made people do very stupid things. He didn't want to be a fool.

These emotions of hers, this is what was within her that he couldn't see. These emotions were the things he wanted to dissect and put in jars. But he couldn't do that with something that was invisible.

_If I can't see them, they aren't real_, he thought to himself. But even as he thought it he knew he was wrong. She had proved him wrong. Because she had these feelings and they dictated her life, and the lives of many others he knew, both human and not human. They were real and they were invisible.

And he was in turmoil. He had never been conflicted before. Before Aizen had ordered him to collect the human, he had always known exactly the way things were. But now? He found himself questioning his own beliefs. Questioning the only things he had held true for his entire hundred years of existence.

_What does this mean?_

* * *

><p>She felt gross. She felt sticky and gross, that was the best way she could describe it. She really, really needed a bath. She had been dreading this moment for some time now. But it had to be done. She was going to have to ask.<p>

When her breakfast came that morning, she had hoped to ask Ulquiorra about a bath. She had worked herself up to it and had confidence that she could make him see reason. She had her whole argument worked out in her head and she was determined to see it through.

But he hadn't come.

Her breakfast had come in with the same Arrancar servants that always came. But Ulquiorra was nowhere to be seen. Come to think of it, he hadn't been with her dinner the night before either.

He hadn't been back to see her since lunch the day before, when she had accused him of having no feelings.

"I've really messed things up this time," she said to herself, dejectedly, as she stared at her breakfast. Maybe if she started refusing to eat again, he'd be forced to show up just to threaten her. Then she could ask him for a bath.

But her stomach growled loudly and she decided against that plan. He couldn't stay gone forever. Besides, it might have nothing to do with her, she reasoned. Aizen might have given him a mission or something, he could be busy.

Why was she so worried about him not coming in? Was it just that she had gotten used to him and the change was unsettling? Or was she actually concerned that she had hurt his feelings, the ones that she had accused him of not having? Could it be that she missed him, even though his conversation was lacking, and that he usually threatened violence toward her? She was so confused.

So when lunch came and he was with it, she was surprised. Orihime had herself all worked up, thinking she was the reason he wouldn't come back. That he's abandoned her to her fate, just as she had abandoned her friends to theirs.

He came in, as he usually did, and took his usual place next to the door. She had a hard time meeting his eyes because she was afraid of what she would find there. When she finally managed to make eye contact, she realized that she had been silly to be afraid. Here was Ulquiorra, the same as always. She hadn't had any effect on him at all. Something about that bothered her too, but she wasn't willing to think about it too hard.

"So," she started as she uncovered her food and began to eat. "You missed a few of my meals."

Ulquiorra stood silently regarding her. She realized she hadn't spoken this as a question, so he wasn't likely to say anything. If there was one thing she'd learned about him, it was that he wasn't likely to speak unless you directly asked him a question.

"Why?" she asked.

"That's my business and nothing for you to be concerned with," he answered.

It stung a little though. She hadn't expected it to, but it did. "Well, I _was_ concerned. I had a request and you weren't here for me to ask."

"What do you need now?" he asked and for the first time, she could swear she heard impatience in his voice. So he really didn't like to tend to her. She guessed she should have realized it before now, but she hadn't. Now she wasn't so sure she wanted to ask.

"Well," she said, becoming a little embarrassed. She put her chopsticks down and looked at her hands again. "I'm getting kind of smelly and I need a bath."

There. She'd said it. It didn't matter that her face was turning bright red. She'd asked for what she needed. All he could say now was yes or no.

"A bath."

She looked up and nodded.

"There is no water in Hueco Mundo, you realize," he said.

Orihime frowned. She had been afraid of this. "Well, I guess that answers my question."

"What do you mean?"

Orihime tilted her head to the side a little. "Well, if there is no water in Hueco Mundo, how would I have a bath?"

She watched as he closed his eyes for a moment. She had determined that he would do this when he was annoyed with her.

"I said that there is no water here, but I did not say you would have to go without a bath. We have ways of obtaining water," he said, opening those cold green eyes again.

"Oh," Orihime said, surprised. "Thank you very much. I might get sick if I can't stay clean. Then I wouldn't be of much use to anyone."

Ulquiorra nodded. "Now, eat woman."

Orihime smiled. She wasn't sure why she felt like smiling but she did. She started shoveling down her food, content that he had stayed to watch. Even though they didn't talk much, and when they did they ended up arguing, she realized she'd rather have that than be alone all the time.

When she was finished he nodded and headed out the door. She realized she hadn't asked when her bath would be. But she supposed it didn't matter. If they were going to go to the trouble to obtain water for her to bathe, she would thankful and wait as long as necessary.

As it turned out, she didn't have to wait very long. There was a knock on her door and she looked up to see Ulquiorra standing there. He motioned for her to follow him. She couldn't help but look around the room to see if there was someone else he was motioning to. Orihime couldn't quite believe that she was being asked to leave her room.

She stifled a grin when she saw him close his eyes. She had annoyed him again. She wasn't sure why that gave her so much pleasure. She could only assume that she enjoyed seeing him express anything, even if it were annoyance. It felt kind of nice to be the cause of any sort of emotion in him.

She stood and followed him down the hall, always a few steps behind. She was lost before they had made only a few turns. She was suddenly very glad she hadn't decided to go exploring on her own. She was sure she would have stumbled upon someone who wasn't as nice to her as Ulquiorra had been.

Well, if anyone could consider Ulquiorra nice that is.

He stopped at a door on his right. He opened the door and motioned for her to go through. She did as he asked and was very surprised at the sight that met her eyes.

The room wasn't very large, but it had a tub sunken into the floor that was filled with steaming water. The room itself was very steamy and warm, such a comforting feeling compared to the cool, crisp air of the hallway. There was a bench along one wall, a shelving unit full of towels, soaps, and lotions. The room itself smelled of some sort of flowers, but Orihime couldn't tell what the scent was. On the bench, she noticed, was a clean uniform for her. She was surprised that she had more than one. No one had told her there were changes of clothes available for her.

"I had no idea something like this existed here," she said, marveling. She turned to look at Ulquiorra with a smile on her face.

His face didn't change, and she hadn't expected it to. "Aizen-sama enjoys his baths," he said.

Orihime suddenly felt less excited about bathing. But she brushed off the feeling, deciding she would enjoy this if she could.

"Um, Ulquiorra, are you going to step out so I can bathe?" she asked.

"No," he answered.

All the color drained from her face. "What? Why not?"

"Is there someone else within Las Noches that you trust to guard you while you bathe?" he asked, his eyes glued to hers.

Well, when he put it that way she could hardly argue. "No. But couldn't you guard me from outside the door?" she asked, fidgeting a little. She had never been naked in front of a male and she wasn't sure Ulquiorra was who she would choose to be the first.

"There are beings here that do not see walls and doors as deterrents," he said, and she pretty much figured there was going to be no more arguing.

She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Fine. But you better shut the door and keep your back turned. No peeking," she said, pointing a finger and his unchanging face.

"I have no intension of watching you bathe," he said, turning and closing the door. He kept his back turned and Orihime had nothing more than his word that he would stay that way. Even so, she figured it was the best she had.

She stripped out of her uniform for the first time in days and it felt good. She was blushing beet red, knowing there was a male in the room, but once she sunk into the bath up to her shoulders, she relaxed a little. He wasn't looking. He wasn't speaking. If she pretended really hard, she figured she could almost forget he was there.

She sighed heavily and dipped her head back, wetting her hair. It was at that moment she realized she hadn't grabbed any soap from the shelf before she got in. The shelf was right beside Ulquiorra. There was no way she could get out without him seeing her. She suddenly blushed deep red. It seemed her face was determined to stay that way. "Um Ulquiorra, could you hand me some soap? I forgot to grab it."

If he had been facing her, she was sure he would have closed his eyes in annoyance. As it was, he reached over and grabbed a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo. He turned toward her, keeping his eyes glued to hers, and handed her what she needed. She mumbled an apology and took the bath things. He turned back to his previous position and she sighed. She couldn't remember being this embarrassed in her whole life.

But there was something else to it. He'd had the opportunity to sneak a peek at her body, and he hadn't done it. He had made sure she knew he was looking nowhere but her eyes as he handed her what she needed. Most guys she knew, even ones she respected and cared for like Kurosaki-kun, would have been tempted. She wasn't sure if she felt glad that her wishes had been respected, or if she felt disappointed that he hadn't wanted to look.

She couldn't help but dwell on these thoughts as she washed her hair and then her body. The water was starting to cool a bit, and there was far less steam in the air.

"Are you nearly finished?" Ulquiorra asked, betraying his impatience.

Orihime nodded, and then realized he couldn't see her. "Yes, I just need to dry off. Oh!" she didn't have a towel either. She had been so preoccupied with him being in the room that she hadn't grabbed one of those either.

He seemed to understand and lifted a towel off the shelf. Once again, he turned to her and handed her the towel. This time, she was sure his eyes flickered a little. She could tell he was trying not to look, but it was actually taking him some effort. After he turned around, she let herself smile. So he wasn't as impervious to her as she had been lead to believe. She kind of liked that, and was embarrassed about liking it.

She stepped out of the tub and dried herself off, feeling very self-conscious that a man was standing almost within an arm's length from her while she was very naked. She stumbled into her clean uniform and instantly felt better. She had no idea that there would come a time where she was thankful for this Arrancar uniform.

"What should I do with my dirty clothes?" she asked, gathering them up with the wet towel.

"Leave them," Ulquiorra answered, turning around and looking at her. "I will send someone to clean up here. If you are finished, follow me."

He didn't wait for an answer, just opening the door and heading out. Orihime hadn't put on her shoes yet, so she just grabbed them and followed him. The sound of bare feet on the floor wasn't lost on Ulquiorra. He turned and looked over his shoulder, seeing her struggling to keep up with her shoes under one arm. He came very close to sighing and stopped himself. Since when did he sigh?

He showed her to her room and left her there, closing the door. Once again, as he found himself doing more and more often, he leaned against her door and listened to her. She was humming to herself. He could hear the sounds of her pulling her fingers through wet hair, the last drops of water hitting the floor. He could smell how clean she was. Even from here, he could smell her skin.

She had been a sight to behold, that's for sure. When he told her that he wasn't going to watch her bathe, he had meant it. But when he was forced to hand her the things that she needed, he'd had no choice but to look. He tried to keep his eyes on hers, but his peripheral vision was quite keen. He had seen her body, all curves and softness, through the water.

And it had bothered him. He wasn't sure what this feeling was, but he was definitely _feeling _something.

This girl would be the death of him, of this he was sure.

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><p>AN: So what do you think? Please review and let me know. Up next, more from the journal of Inuoe Orihime…

Disclaimer: I do not profess to own the rights to any of these characters and I do not profit from writing this story. While I truly enjoy borrowing these wonderful personalities, the credit for their creation goes solely to whomever owns the rights to Bleach. Thanks.


	4. Chapter 4

"Liars Like Me"

By Lucawindmover

Chapter Four

"Gave All My Hope Away"

* * *

><p>Hello again journal. It's me, Orihime. But then, who else would it be? Good grief. Sometimes I think I might have lost my marbles. You know, that wouldn't be so hard to do around here. Most of the time there really isn't anything for me to do, other than talk to myself or write. I think the last few days I've done more talking to myself than writing.<p>

Well, except for yesterday. Aizen summoned me yesterday. You are probably wondering why I'm not calling him Aizen-sama like everyone else does. Well, when I have to say his name or address him in person, I do call him that. Mostly because I want to stay on his good side. I don't want to give him any excuse to decide he doesn't need me anymore. But here, in my private thoughts, there is no way I would call him that. In fact, there are some quite unkind things I'd like to say about that man. But you know, I'm afraid to even write them. I'm afraid to even think them, sometimes. I'm not convinced that the man can't read minds.

Anyway, I was sitting in my room yesterday, kind of staring at the wall. Someone knocked on the door and it was Ulquiorra. It's almost always him, so that wasn't surprising. But I knew it was too soon to be a meal or a bathroom break so I got nervous.

"Come with me. Aizen-sama wishes to see you," he said. He waited for me to get up and follow him, which I did.

I was so nervous. I was suddenly afraid that he'd had enough of me. I mean, I hadn't done anything more than eat his food and use his baths. What if he was tired of me just sitting around, taking up his space?

Turns out, he was.

As we got closer to the throne room, my nerve almost left me. I moved forward and grabbed the back of Ulquiorra's jacket. He froze. This was the first time I'd touched him like that, or touched him at all really, as far as I can remember. He turned his eyes on me, the question there but unasked. What was I doing? Now I was suddenly nervous that I was touching Ulquiorra. I swear, once I start being nervous, everything else just makes it worse.

"Sorry," I whispered. I looked down, but I didn't let go of him. He hadn't asked me to. "I'm just afraid, that's all."

We stood there for a few minutes and my nerves seemed to calm a bit. I didn't let go of his jacket, and he didn't ask me to. But why didn't he? That's something I still ponder. Really, he should have pushed me away and told me to keep my filthy human trash hands to myself, right? I didn't think about that when it was happening. I didn't actually think about it until I'd gotten back to my room. And I'm _still_ thinking about it. I have no idea what it meant.

After a couple of minutes and some deep breathing, I was okay again. Well, as close to okay as I was going to get, anyway. I let go of him and looked up, a little surprised at how close his face was to mine.

"Are you ready to continue?" He asked. Those green eyes just bore into me. That look used to make me cower in fear. Now, it just strengthened my resolve.

I nodded and he started walking again. I followed behind him, a few steps closer than I had been before. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. But he never does say anything, and he _does_ notice everything. He's so annoying in that aspect sometimes. I wish I could actually convince him that conversation is a good thing. That he's allowed to notice stuff and comment on it. But you know, if he started doing stuff like that I guess it would confuse me. I'd think someone kidnapped my Ulquiorra and replaced him with an alien.

Okay, not _my_ Ulquiorra. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I'm getting so off topic.

So anyway, we got to the throne room and I knelt, waiting to hear that my life was done. I was entirely expecting it and, even though I wasn't really ready to die, I'd decided I didn't want to go cowering in fear. Ulquiorra had moved over to stand near the base of the giant throne thing that Aizen was sitting on. I can't blame him. If he knew doom was coming my way, I can't blame him for getting out of the way of it.

But it turns out it wasn't doom. Aizen just wanted me to heal some injured Arrancar. That wasn't so bad, right?

Well, these guys were pretty messed up. They were bleeding everywhere. There were two of them, and one of them I was sure was dead. Which is silly, when I think about it. If he'd been dead, wouldn't he have just evaporated already? So I guess he wasn't dead, but that gives you an idea of how injured he was. The other guy was missing both of his legs and had what looked like a burn on the right side of his face.

I called out the fairies and started on my work. I had so many questions! How did they get this way? Were they fighting each other, which the Arrancar around here are very prone to doing, or were they fighting my friends?

When I had that though, I faltered a little. I didn't dare look up at Aizen, but I did look at Ulquiorra. I couldn't read anything in his face, but then I never could. But he was watching me. He stood there at Aizen's feet but his eyes were locked with mine. If there was a message for me in there somewhere, I wasn't getting it.

I continued my work but I had a huge knot in my throat. I didn't want to cry, not here in front of Aizen and his cronies, but I was having a hard time keeping myself together. I could be brave in the face of my own death. But the death of my friends? For a split second I wanted to hold on to Ulquiorra's jacket again. Let him ground me, like he did before. And even as I thought it, I pushed it away. I'm pretty sure that was an accident and even more sure that it was a one-time thing. He wouldn't want to hang around me, calming me down every time I get upset. That would keep him really busy, now that I think about it.

Okay, I'm getting off course again. I healed the guy with no legs and moved on to the one I thought was dead. He looked frozen. I wasn't sure about the other Arrancar and their abilities, but I did know a few shinigami who could have done this. And that's when I knew. I was healing casualties from the war. My friends were out there somewhere, fighting these monsters and here I was, healing them so that they could go out and kill more people I cared about.

I continued healing the frozen one. It didn't take long to fix him. It didn't even take that much of my energy.

But it took away all of my hope.

The healed Arrancar bowed and scraped before Aizen, running off before they could get in trouble for needing to be healed. I couldn't blame them. I was ready to run right then too.

But then Aizen addressed me. He thanked me. Told me what a good job I'd done. It made me sick to my stomach. He asked if I liked my notebook, my bath. I just nodded and kept looking at the floor. I had never felt so low in my whole life. He dismissed me and I watched as Ulquiorra moved closer to me.

I was having a hard time moving.

"Get up, woman," Ulquiorra said. His voice betrayed nothing. If he was feeling anything right then, I'd have never known it. I got to my feet, but I was shaking. I followed him out of the throne room. But we only got a few feet down the hallway before I collapsed to my knees. I couldn't help it. I'd done pretty good just to get out of the throne room.

I doubled over, retching and sobbing. It made me feel so weak, but I couldn't help it. Nothing came out, thank goodness, but I couldn't seem to stop gagging and crying. Images of my friends, bleeding and broken without me there to fix them, whirled through my brain. My friends, dying, thinking all along that I'd betrayed them. And hadn't I? I was healing the forces of the enemy. That's the definition of betrayal, isn't it?

I saw Ulquiorra move closer to me but I couldn't look up and see those emotionless eyes right then. It would just remind me that I was on the wrong side, healing the monsters. I tried to calm myself down, but it was hard. I finally was able to stop gagging, but the tears kept coming.

I was surprised when Ulquiorra's hand appeared in front of my face. I stared at it for a moment before looking up at him. His face was the same as it always was, but there was something a little different about his eyes. He looked a little angry maybe? Annoyed is probably more like it, but he looked _something_. And that was weird enough because he never looked _anything_ usually.

He was offering me his hand. He was offering to help me stand. I didn't question it at the time. I just placed my hand in his and let him haul me to standing. My knees still felt weak, but I could stand. And that's all I did for a few minutes. I just stood there trying to catch my breath, holding onto his hand like a life-line. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on just that. I brought my other hand up and held his one in both of mine.

Arrancar skin feels different than human skin, I noticed. It was a little cooler, and much smoother. You would think, by the way it looks, that it would be hard and unforgiving. Particularly Ulquiorra's skin, as pale white as he is. I mean, most of the time he looks like a statue. But his skin was really soft. Cool to the touch but soft. Even though it felt soft, I could feel the power in his hands. The skin might be soft, but his hand was full of potential energy. When I had this thought, it made me blush. I blushed because I was holding his hand, right here in the hallway where anyone could see, and for some reason unknown to me, he was letting me.

I guess that's all I needed to bring me back out of it. I let go of his hand and took another shaky breath. I looked up at him as he put his hand back in his pocket.

He didn't say anything. He just turned and led me back to my room. I wanted to thank him, but I wasn't sure what to say. I was pretty sure anything I said would be turned back against me, turned into some sort of argument about how "lesser" I am for being so upset in the first place.

So when I stepped in my room and turned to look at him, I was surprised when he said something first.

"Is there anything you need?" he asked. It was something he'd asked me on a few other occasions, so that in itself wasn't terrible surprising. But after everything that had just happened, it seemed like he was asking a bigger question than that. Maybe I was reading too much into it, who knows.

I realized then that I didn't want to be alone. I needed company. But that wasn't something I could ask him for. I couldn't just say "oh hey Ulquiorra, just hang out with me for a bit." That would not go over well, I just knew it.

"Were those Arrancar I healed fighting against my friends?" I asked. Information. I decided I needed information. Besides, if he was standing her talking to me, he wasn't leaving me, right?

He shook his head and I sighed in relief. "No, they were fighting court guards, as I understand."

I bit my lip. I knew court guards. "Were there casualties, on their side?"

He stared at me for a moment, and from that alone I knew there were. My breath hitched in my throat and I could tell he saw it.

"There are casualties on both sides in war. You know this," he said.

I nodded but I couldn't get my breathing to go right for whatever reason. I kept sounding like I was hiccupping. And the way he looked at me! It was the same as always but somehow not. He looked like he was angry. Was he angry at me? What had I done?

"Why are you angry?" I whispered. I had to know. I sank to my knees. They were just shaking too badly. Besides, I was in my own room now so I felt like I could sit on my floor if I wanted to.

"Why do you think I'm angry?"

I got mad then. I couldn't help it. I'd had a lot of shock and it was all coming to a head. I kind of growled in frustration and hit my fists on the floor. "Why do you always have to answer every question with a question? You know what, don't answer that. Fine, you want to know why I ask? Because you _look_ angry. Why do you _look_ angry? What did I do to make you mad at me?" I wasn't exactly shouting, but I know my voice was raised a little. I'm kind of embarrassed about that, looking back. But you know, sometimes you just get angry and things come out the way they will.

I glared up at him. I knew I was glaring but I couldn't make myself stop. He looked down at me and his expression changed. It wasn't his face, it was his eyes. Just that tiny change, only someone who spent a lot of time with him would even notice. They narrowed just a bit.

"I am not angry," he turned and was about to shut the door when I heard him finish, "Not with you anyway."

* * *

><p>AN: I love writing scenes that bring tears to my eyes as I write them. That's the bad part of writing in first person. I tend to feel what the character is feeling, it makes the writing come out more natural. And because of that this whole chapter took a toll on me, lol. I really hoped you liked it because no matter how badly my heart hurt writing it, I love this chapter. Please leave me a review and let me know how it affected you as well. Coming up…we get another glimpse into Ulquiorra's head…

Disclaimer: I do not profess to own the rights to any of these characters and I do not profit from writing this story. While I truly enjoy borrowing these wonderful personalities, the credit for their creation goes solely to whomever owns the rights to Bleach. Thanks.


	5. Chapter 5

"Liars Like Me"

By Lucawindmover

Chapter Five

"Is There Any Left for Me?"

* * *

><p>Ulquiorra shut the door behind him and leaned on it. In her room, he could hear her crying, hiccupping, muttering nonsense things to herself. He sank down to the floor, his right leg out in front of him, his left leg bent, arm resting on it. He tilted his head back against the door and closed his eyes and just listened to her sadness.<p>

He let himself sigh, knowing she couldn't hear him. He sighed, and in this moment, it felt good.

Somehow, this human girl could read him like a book. Every tiny change, any small inflection and she _knew_. She was starting to pull things from him that he didn't realize he had. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that she had been very wrong before. He had emotions, he had _feelings_, but he'd never developed them, never used them. Why would he? They had always been a weakness before. Not using them had raised him above those creatures that he considered to be lesser beings.

She was pulling emotions from him, against his will, and he could do nothing to hide them from her. He put his face as blank as he could make it, pulled everything he was feeling behind his eyes, and still she was able to see it. How could she see something that he couldn't? He could see everything there was to see. How was she able to see the _invisible_? He didn't understand it, and he wasn't accustomed to things he couldn't understand.

It was true, what she had said about him being angry. He really hadn't been angry at her, though he supposed he probably should be. She was forcing these emotions on him, but he still wasn't angry with her exactly. He wasn't entirely sure _why_ he was angry, or _who_ he was angry with. The fact that he didn't know just compounded it. He was sure that he could ask Aizen-sama to reassign him. That might fix the problem. But then he would have to admit that he couldn't handle one living, human girl. It would be seen as a sign of weakness, something he could not afford right now. Besides, even if he were reassigned, he couldn't bear the thought of anyone else alone with her. There was no one else capable of keeping her from harm.

Why did it matter to him if she were harmed?

Ultimately, that would solve his problem. If she were gone, he would no longer have to worry about these emotions. He could smother the ones that had started to come out and leave the rest of them where they were to begin with. And yet, he still didn't want her harmed.

Earlier, on their way to see Aizen-sama, she had stopped him. She had held on to his jacket for her dear life, silently begging him to save her. She had voluntarily touched him without asking first. He could feel the warmth of her skin through his clothes. He could hear her heart hammering in her chest. She was terribly afraid. But for the first time he considered that maybe she wasn't afraid of _him_.

Later, when he had helped her to her feet, he had offered to let her touch him again. The first time it had seemed to calm her down, steel her nerves. He was curious to see if it would happen again. She wrapped both of her small, warm hands around his and just stood there. He could feel her pulse beneath her skin, that warmth of hers lent his own skin warmth. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, even if it were an unpleasant situation.

He was disturbed to find that her sadness was unpleasant to him. It made him angry at himself for letting himself _feel_ discomfort. He couldn't smother this anger, and she could see it in his eyes. Once she was able to continue, he was ready to be away from her. He took her to her room, anxious to get away from the way she pulled on his emotions.

Anxiety. That was another new one.

They were starting to pile up, these emotions. Anger, anxiety, discomfort, curiosity, and something else. One he didn't understand and didn't want to examine for fear of bringing it out into the light.

He listened as she seemed to calm down. He could hear the rustle of her uniform as she got up from the floor and moved farther into the room. He wanted to go back in. He wanted to see her face, to decipher what emotion she was feeling now. He wanted to know why she wasn't afraid of him.

He stood and knocked on the door. He didn't wait for her to answer, but then, he never did. Knocking was more a habit than anything else. He pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

She didn't turn. The woman was facing away from him, staring out her window, staring at the unchanging crescent moon. It confirmed what he had thought. She wasn't afraid of him. If she were, she'd have turned to make sure she could see him. She would have protected her back. So she was either not afraid of him, or she had poor survival instincts. While he didn't put the latter outside the realm of reason, he was pretty sure the former was the case.

He moved up behind her. He stood close enough to her that his uniform brushed against hers. He could feel the warmth of her body just from his proximity and once again noticed that it wasn't an unpleasant warmth. He could hear her heart begin to speed up. So, he thought to himself, maybe she was afraid after all. What other reasons did humans have to make their heart rates speed up?

"Woman," he said.

Orihime shivered slightly. She could feel his breath stir her hair a little and it gave her goose bumps. She could already feel her heart racing from him standing so close to her. She wasn't sure why this was happening. She remembered her heart pounding like this before when she was close to Kurosaki-kun, but why with Ulquiorra? Wasn't he the enemy? She wasn't entirely sure he was. He was following orders from the enemy, but did that make him the bad guy? After all, she was following orders from the enemy as well. That put them on the same side at least. Did he have any more choice in the matter than she did? Was Aizen hanging something over his head too?

"Hmm?" she answered, afraid her voice would shake if she tried to use words. He was unnerving her now as surely as he had strengthened her nerves before.

"Look at me," he said.

She shook her head a little and didn't turn around. She didn't want him to see how she was blushing.

He placed a hand on either shoulder and forcibly turned her around to meet his gaze. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were wide, her heart was racing and her body was trembling. So she was afraid after all.

The front of his body was nearly pressed against her. She looked up to his eyes and his face was so close that it caught her breath in her chest. She knew she was a little shaky, but she couldn't calm herself. With him this close to her she couldn't think straight or control her body well.

"Are you afraid?" he asked. He watched as her eyes widened a little. Surprise maybe? Was she not expecting this question? Was she afraid to admit that she was afraid?

"Afraid of what?"

Orihime saw his eyes narrow the smallest bit.

"Afraid of me."

She didn't even have to think about it really. She shook her head. Even though he was standing with his body so close to her, his hands on her shoulders, his face hovering above hers, she wasn't afraid. She used to be afraid of him, and she wasn't sure when that had stopped. But it had. She realized that in a way, she almost trusted him. Trusted him to be himself, at least.

A little crease formed between his eyebrows. She could see it, even under the hair that hung in the way. She had never seen that before. She wasn't sure what it meant. Without thinking about it, she lifted her hand, causing one of his hands to fall off of her shoulder. She brushed his hair aside and with her thumb, slowly smoothed the crease from his forehead. He closed his eyes as she did so, and just let her do it. She rested her hand on his shoulder and waited for his eyes to open.

They didn't for a moment and she started to worry about what she would see when they did. She was a little embarrassed that she had taken this liberty. She tilted her head forward and leaned her forehead against his chest. She felt his fingers twitch on her shoulder, but he didn't move to stop her.

And there they stayed. Each with a hand on the shoulder of the other, Ulquiorra with his eyes closed and Orihime with her forehead pressed to his chest. She wasn't sure how long they stayed that way, but she knew it was the most peaceful she had felt since coming to Hueco Mundo.

It startled her when he spoke because she could feel it rumble his chest.

"Why?"

She thought about it for a moment before she answered. She tilted her head back and looked up at him to see his eyes open now. Blatant curiosity. She could see that in his eyes and for once it looked like he wasn't trying to hide it. The rest of his features hadn't changed, but she could see the curiosity in his eyes as if it were written there.

"Because you won't hurt me," she said softly.

That little crease threated to come back. She wanted to brush it away again, but she wasn't sure she could get away with it twice.

His hand tightened a little on her shoulder. "How do you know I won't?" he said leaning his face a little closer to hers. His nose was almost touching hers. That little crease was so close and all she wanted to do was wipe it away, wipe away all the pain she knew he had inside him. She leaned up and pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes.

"I just know."

It was more than he could take. Her warmth felt too good, her emotions were too strong. The tenderness she showed him, her enemy, was foolish and frustrating and felt better than he could have expected. The place inside him where he had locked his feeling away was broken open and raw and he didn't like it. He didn't appreciate what she was doing to him, and he was powerless to stop it. He didn't like being powerless. It made him angry.

He stepped back, letting go of her shoulder and turning away from her. He walked to the door and opened it.

"Ulquiorra," he heard her say softly.

It almost stopped him. He hesitated for only a second, but that hesitation was enough to make him clench his jaw. He forced himself to walk through the door and shut it tightly behind him. He could hear her sigh. He wouldn't let her break him like this. He would not let her bring weakness on him. He pushed away from the door and stalked off down the hall.

* * *

><p>Orihime watched him leave with regret. He had been angry when he left, and she was sure it was all her fault. She shouldn't have touched his face. She shouldn't have leaned against him. She shouldn't have told him the truth because the truth seemed to hurt him more.<p>

She had never been so close to a boy. She couldn't decide whether to think of him as a boy or a man. Boy seemed more comfortable to her. She still thought of herself as just a girl, though she was sure she was classified as a woman by now. Besides, that's what Ulquiorra always called her.

She sighed and moved over to sit on the couch. She looked down at her hands. These hands had held his. These hands had smoothed the uncertainty from his brow, pushed his hair out of the way. His skin had been so soft, his hair more wispy than she would have thought.

His face had been so close to hers. His forehead cool when she pressed hers against it. When she thought about it now, she was embarrassed. She had been so close to him. She could have kissed him if she wanted to. And now that she was alone, she could almost admit that she had wanted to. She had wanted to kiss him and show him just how unafraid she was. But pressing her forehead to his seemed like the better option. She trusted him, but she didn't trust herself.

When had that happened?

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry this chapter is shorter than the others. I couldn't add anything else to it without it seeming superfluous. I didn't want to just fill it with nothing in order to bring up the word count. I hoped you liked it. Let me know what you think.

Also, I have started a Facebook page for my writing! Please visit me at Facebook . com / Lucawindmover (remove the spaces) and add me as a friend. This is a great way for us authors to keep in touch, for readers to get updates and as questions, make requests and challenges. I think this could be a lot of fun. I look forward to being friends with you all!

Disclaimer: I do not profess to own the rights to any of these characters and I do not profit from writing this story. While I truly enjoy borrowing these wonderful personalities, the credit for their creation goes solely to whoever owns the rights to Bleach. Thanks.


	6. Chapter 6

"Liars Like Me"

By Lucawindmover

Chapter Six

"Bombs Are Splitting Atoms"

* * *

><p>Ulquiorra felt the reiatsu before he heard the alarm. So, it had finally happened. The woman's friends had finally come. It had taken them longer than he would have guessed, but then Soul Society probably slowed them down a bit. As far as he could tell, the shinigami had declared her a defector and a traitor. Her friends hadn't breached Las Noches yet, not even close, but he figured it would only be a matter of time.<p>

Aizen-sama had called all of the Espada together for a meeting. He told them not to over-react and to stay in their rooms and behave. Not everyone agreed that this was the best course of action, but then no one besides Grimmjow was going to question their shinigami master. There was a confrontation, but Aizen-sama quickly asserted his authority. Grimmjow backed down. After the meeting, Aizen-sama called Ulquiorra to the side to make a request. He asked that the girl be taken to a more secure location, to Ulquiorra's private rooms. A reiatsu decoy would be placed in the girl's rooms to distract the intruders.

Ulquiorra did not argue, but he wanted to. The fact that he wanted to argue was one of the reasons why he didn't. If he did, he would be admitting that the girl had gotten to him, something he was certainly unwilling to admit, even to himself. So instead of assuring Aizen that she was safe where she was, he acquiesced and left to collect the girl.

He knocked and then let himself in, as he normally did. The woman was standing near the window, which he had become accustomed to seeing. This was the first time he'd seen her since she professed to be unafraid of him, two days earlier. He was annoyed that he'd been unable to keep himself away from her for longer. At least this time he'd been ordered to appear before her.

She turned from the window, meeting his gaze immediately. From the look on her face, he knew that she knew. She could feel that her friends were finally here for her.

"Come with me," he said. She started toward him warily. He stood his ground, waiting for her to cross the room.

"Where are we going?" she asked, her arms held across her stomach.

Was she afraid of him now? She certainly looked afraid. He knew she must be afraid for the lives of her friends, but she seemed afraid of where they were going. Did she fear being alone with him, even after she claimed not to be?

Then it occurred to him that she was afraid of being used against her friends directly. She was okay with being on the wrong side as long as she didn't have to actively thwart the people she loved. She didn't want to be taken out to the field and made to heal Arrancar right in front of them. She didn't want to be forced to shield the enemy from the attacks of her friends. It was a realistic fear. Ulquiorra could see Aizen-sama resorting to such tactics once he decided she was no longer of use. But as for now, Aizen-sama still wanted the girl so he was unlikely to use her in such a way.

"We are going anywhere Aizen-sama orders us to go," he answered and turned to leave. He didn't have to look back to see if she followed. He could hear her feet moving swiftly behind him, the cloth of her uniform swishing, her heart beating frantically.

They climbed staircases and travelled down hallways. They went through doors and around corners. He took her in a very complicated circle, to confuse her. His rooms were a fair distance from hers, but he was determined that she not know how to find them later. He turned and weaved more than he probably needed to, but he didn't want to leave it to chance. Once the intruders had been disposed of and he could take the woman back to her own room, he didn't want her to think she could just seek him out at her pleasure.

They finally came to his door and he pushed it open and stepped inside.

Orihime had been terribly confused and lost by the time they reached their destination. The entire time they traveled, she had been worrying whether or not she was going to have to fight her friends. If Aizen ordered her to do that, she would just say no, she decided. At that point she would rather be killed. Once she'd made that decision she was able to relax a little. She would gladly give her life for her loved ones instead of fighting them. Some of her fear left her. When Ulquiorra stopped suddenly and opened a door to their right she almost stumbled into him, lost in thought as she was. She steadied herself and stepped into the room.

This was the last thing she had expected. This was just a bedroom. In the far left-hand corner was a queen sized bed with a white comforter and black pillows. There was a waist high book case filled with what looked like journals, similar to hers. There was a table with two chairs against the right-hand wall. There was a door on that wall as well. A closet probably, she figured.

"Where are we?" she finally asked as Ulquiorra closed the door behind her.

"This is my room," he said. He moved over to the table and pulled out a chair. "Sit."

Orihime did as he bid her, confusion written plainly on her face. "Why are we in your room?"

Ulquiorra pulled out the opposite chair and took a seat. His hands were in his pockets, his face impassive. "Aizen-sama ordered it."

"Oh," she said. He watched as she looked down at her hands. She had the annoying habit of doing so. He much preferred her to be looking at him, so he could read her expressions. At least, this is what he told himself.

"How long are we going to be here?" she asked, still not looking up. He could see that she was biting her lip. That wasn't something he was accustomed to seeing. He didn't answer immediately because he was wondering about her lip. Just as he opened his mouth to answer, she said, "And don't tell me 'for as long as Aizen-sama requires it' because I know that's what you'll say."

He closed his mouth. That _was_ just what he was going to say, almost to the exact word. He closed his eyes and took a breath. He was very annoyed. He had either become too predictable or this girl was beginning to know him far too well. Neither answer was acceptable to him.

Orihime watched him, recognizing that she had annoyed him. Well, that was just fine with her because she was annoyed too. If she had stayed in her room she might have been found by her friends. At least then she wouldn't feel like they had risked their lives for nothing. If they never found her, they might all die for nothing at all. She couldn't help the tears that sprung to her eyes at this thought.

Ulquiorra saw the tears and felt his eyes narrow. His annoyance was quickly being replaced with something else.

"You're sad," he said. A statement, not a question.

Orihime looked up from her hands. She blinked lightly, trying to keep her tears from escaping. "Yes, I am."

Ulquiorra was sure he knew the answer, but he asked anyway. "Why?"

She took a deep, shaky breath. "I don't want my friends to be here."

After a moment, Ulquiorra said, "I don't want your friends to be here either."

Orihime wiped a rogue tear from her cheek quickly. She took a page out of Ulquiorra's book. "Why?"

Ulquiorra's mouth was set in a firm line. He didn't want to answer that question exactly. He was annoyed that he didn't want to fight the people that she loved. He didn't like the way her eyes looked, heavy with tears. He didn't like that he didn't like it. He knew he was starting to get angry and he channeled it to his eyes. He felt his hands clench into fists in his pockets. He didn't want her to know so he tried to make his face as blank as possible.

But Orihime could see. He didn't seem to realize that to her, his eyes were his biggest tell. She could see that her question had angered him, but she didn't understand why.

"I've made you angry again," she said softly, not taking his eyes off of his.

Ulquiorra found himself wanting to look away. "You cannot _make_ me be anything."

Orihime sighed. "Well, whatever the reason is, I can see that you're angry."

He didn't respond and she didn't press. His answer alone made her think he was indeed angry with her. Instead of staring into his angry eyes, she decided to look around the room. The bookcase caught her attention first. It was filled with journals. At least, they looked like journals, something similar to the one she had back in her room.

"Do you write?" she asked, pointing to them.

"I do," he answered. His eyes still hadn't moved from her face. It was beginning to unnerve her.

Orihime flushed a little. "Um, what do you write about?"

Ulquiorra blinked. "That is my business."

Orihime growled in frustration. Now she was angry. "Look Ulquiorra. I know you aren't much for conversation. It's beneath you, I realize. But I'm human, and I'm emotional right now. My friends are out there somewhere fighting and possibly dying. I'm looking for a distraction so I don't fall apart. Why can't you give me that?"

Ulquiorra regarded her for a moment. He pulled his right hand out of his pocket and placed it, palm up, in the middle of the table. "Give me your hand."

Her brow furrowed in confusion, but she did as he asked. The instant she touched his soft, cool skin she felt her shoulders relax a little. "What is this?" she couldn't help but ask.

"Your distraction."

* * *

><p>Orihime wasn't sure how long she sat there, holding his hand. She closed her eyes and focused on the feel of his smooth skin on hers. He had wrapped his long fingers around the back of her hand, pressing her palm to his. She took deep breaths, trying not to blush. After a while she realized that she had become very relaxed.<p>

Ulquiorra watched the expressions on her face move from angry and sad to calm and collected. He was unsure why he had this effect on her. At first, he had wondered what possessed him to touch her willingly. After watching how this small moment of affection had calmed her, he knew.

He cared.

He expected that thought to annoy him. He expected it to make him angry, to cause him to jerk his hand back and leave the room. He could guard her from the hallway if he had to. But he wasn't angry. He couldn't make himself be angry about this. Did this make him weak? He wasn't sure. He had seen people do amazing things when they cared for someone. He had also seen stupidity for the same reason.

He took a deep breath and fought a sigh. She must have relaxed and become comfortable because she could feel her thumb start to trace circle across his fingers. She still had her eyes closed. She might be unaware that she was even doing this. He tightened his grip on her and her eyes opened.

Orihime glanced down at their hands and then back at Ulquiorra, her face starting to get warm. She was so tired, she'd started to doze.

He seemed to realize this. "You need sleep."

Orihime nodded, but she didn't move. She didn't let go of his hand. She didn't want to let go.

After a moment, the choice was taken away from her as he stood, withdrawing his hand. Orihime could feel the tension coming back to her shoulders and a knot forming in her throat. She wasn't sure why she was so affected by losing her contact to him.

She watched as he moved over to the bed and pulled the comforter and sheet down. He turned back to her and motioned toward the bed. "Get in."

Orihime blanched. "In your bed?"

Ulquiorra closed his eyes. Orihime gulped.

"Why are you afraid?"

Orihime stood and moved toward him, hovering at the edge of the bed. "I'm not afraid," she said.

"Your heart is beating quickly, as it does when you're afraid," he responded, still holding the blankets up.

Orihime brought a hand up to her chest. "Oh, well. I suppose it does that when I'm nervous."

"Nervous."

Orihime nodded. She took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed, kicking off her shoes. She crawled across the bed and settled in next to the wall.

Ulquiorra sat on the edge of the bed, watching her as she pulled the blankets up to her chin. "Why are you nervous?" he asked. He leaned down and took off his shoes as well. He unzipped his jacket and shrugged it off, tossing it over to the table. When he turned back to the woman, her face had flushed again, giving her cheeks a nice rosy complexion.

"Oh, um. I haven't ever slept in a boy's bed before," she said, her voice shaky. She couldn't help her body's reaction at seeing him shirtless. His Espada tattoo, a black number four, stood out darkly against the white skin of his chest. Her breath caught in her throat as he laid on his back beside her, on top of the blankets.

He placed his left arm bent under his head and turned his face a little to look at her. "And this makes you nervous?" he asked again.

Orihime nodded. She pulled her arms out from under the blankets and crossed them over her stomach.

She was surprised when he reached his right hand over and took her left hand in his. He laid their hands in the middle of the bed, between them. She instantly felt more calm. This would be okay, she told herself.

"Now go to sleep woman."

* * *

><p>AN: Whew. That's all I have to say.

Also, I have started a Facebook page for my writing! Please visit me at Facebook . com / Lucawindmover (remove the spaces) and add me as a friend. This is a great way for us authors to keep in touch, for readers to get updates and as questions, make requests and challenges. I think this could be a lot of fun. I look forward to being friends with you all!

Disclaimer: I do not profess to own the rights to any of these characters and I do not profit from writing this story. While I truly enjoy borrowing these wonderful personalities, the credit for their creation goes solely to whoever owns the rights to Bleach. Thanks.


	7. Chapter 7

"Liars Like Me"

By Lucawindmover

Chapter Seven

"What Can the Future Bring?"

* * *

><p>Dear Journal, I know you are only a substitute journal, but that's okay. I can write in you anyway. I really don't like this. I don't like it at all. It's far too quiet, and I don't want to be alone right now. I'm too anxious.<p>

When I woke up this morning, Ulquiorra was already dressed and waiting at the table for me. I was still a little groggy. I had slept better than I had in a very long time. Once he saw that I was awake, he stood and went to the door. He told me there was a notebook on the table to keep me busy and that he would be back later with some food for me. I didn't even have a chance to respond before he'd left.

And ever since then, I've been in turmoil.

I can feel them out there. I can feel my friends fighting against our foes, against my captors. I can feel the ebb and flow of reiatsu, the push and pull of power. Every once in a while, I can feel the whole building tremble, hear crashes in the distance. People are out there getting hurt, human and hollow alike. Blood is being spilled and I'm not a good enough reason for that.

My heart hurts. It hurts like it's going to fall right out of me. And that isn't the worst part. The worst part is I'm worried sick about my friends, but I'm also worried sick about my captor.

I'm terrified for Ulquiorra.

He didn't tell me where he was going when he left. I mean, I guess I didn't expect him to. He doesn't usually tell me anything anyway. But shortly after he left I started feeling the fighting getting more intense. I had thought maybe he was just leaving to get breakfast or something, not going out to fight my friends.

There was a time when this would have been very simple for me. I would sit here in my chair and pray that Kurosaki-kun and my friends could destroy whoever they needed to in order for us all to be safe. I would hold my breath and wait for them to be triumphant. But I can't do that now. I can't hope that they win. If they win, it'll be because they've killed someone I care about.

See, I realized something last night as I was falling asleep, holding Ulquiorra's hand. I care about him. I don't want him to be hurt, or worse, killed. I don't want harm to come to him because of me. I don't want harm to come to anyone because of me. But particularly Ulquiorra.

So what do I wish for? That isn't rhetorical. I wish you had an answer Journal, because I surely don't. Maybe I just hope and pray that no one is hurt, but I'm sure that's beyond possible. I can already tell that some of my friends, Kuchiki-san and Sado-kun in particular, are injured. I can't tell who is fighting who, and I'm not sure I would even want to know.

I don't think I can keep writing. This is making too worried.

* * *

><p>Orihime put down her pen and held her head in her hands. She felt so helpless. There was nothing she could do. She couldn't just run out and look for them. She couldn't have found them if her life had depended on it. She couldn't find them even though she was sure <em>their lives<em> depended on it. All she could do was wait for someone to come to her.

She stood and moved over to the bed. She had already made the bed several times. She kept unmaking it and remaking it, to give herself something to do. First she grabbed the pillows to move them over to the table. As she picked up Ulquiorra's, she couldn't help but put her face to it and take a deep breath. The pillow smelled like him. She wasn't sure what the scent was, but it was cool and clean. Ocean water maybe? Sandalwood? She didn't know, but she liked it. The whole bed smelled like him and she had a hard time not laying back down and wrapping herself in the sheets. She sighed and put the pillows on the table and went about making the bed for a third time.

She pulled the sheets tight, spreading out any wrinkles. She tucked the blankets in tightly, neatly arranging the pillows against the black headboard. She went back and leaned against the table, surveying her work. It looked nice. It looked at least as nice as it had when they had first come in the night before.

Orihime gasped suddenly, and fell to her knees.

The reiatsu of the fighters had suddenly dropped dramatically. She had been keeping part of her brain focused on their reiatsu since the battles had begun. Now, it was as if all those little lights went out. From this distance, she couldn't tell if it was because they were shielding, had stopped fighting, or were dead. She couldn't tell. She couldn't feel her friends anymore.

She couldn't feel Ulquiorra anymore.

Her breath caught in her throat and tears began streaming down her cheeks. She didn't sob, she didn't retch. She just knelt on the floor trying to keep her breath going in and out. She just tried to keep from fainting altogether.

When the door burst open a few minutes later, Orihime couldn't help but scream. It had really and truly scared her. She had been so focused on trying not to hyperventilate that she had completely forgotten that she might need to protect herself.

She looked up and saw Ulquiorra in the doorway. She started to relax but then she saw the shape he was in and jumped to her feet.

Ulquiorra stumbled into the room, blood dripping from wounds on his right shoulder, chest, and left leg. His jacket was in tatters, not even clothing anymore. His mouth was set in a grimace of determination, something his eyes mirrored. He limped over to the bed and sprawled out on his back, instantly ruining the white bedspread that Orihime had straightened so many times.

The bedspread was the least of her worries however. Orihime quickly shut the door and moved over to the side of the bed. "Ulquiorra," she said nervously. She wanted to heal him, but she didn't know if he would want her to.

"What is it, woman?" Ulquiorra labored to say. He had his eyes closed now.

"You're injured," she said, kneeling next to the bed.

"Your powers of observation never cease to amaze me," he replied.

Orihime stiffened. He was mocking her. He was mocking her? _Well, he can't be hurt that bad then_, she thought to herself.

"Will you let me heal you?" she said softly. His left hand was dangling off the bed. She took his hand in both of hers, holding it to her chest. He didn't fight her, and let her do so. She was even sure she felt his fingers tighten around her hand, gently.

"My body usually heals very quickly," he answered. He took a deep breath and sighed. Worry creased Orihime's brow. "But it seems I've used too much reiatsu to heal these injuries myself."

He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no. He didn't want to ask, Orihime realized. Well, she wasn't going to make him. She let go of his hand and stood, calling her fairies to their job.

Healing his injuries took more time and energy than Orihime thought it would. It seemed that no matter how much she put into her shield, he was healing only a little at a time. It was almost as if Ulquiorra's body was pulling on her reiatsu, feeding on it. She began to feel very tired, and very faint, but she wouldn't let herself stop. She watched closely as each rend in his flesh stitched itself closed. When the last bit closed on his chest, she fell forward, unable to stop herself.

Her shield vanished, the fairies going back to their respective homes. Orihime was barely conscious when she felt her knees hit the floor. She leaned forward, her upper body leaning against the edge of the bed. She felt her head fall forward and land on something soft, but she couldn't see anymore. The last thing she felt before she fainted was a pair of strong arms grabbing her shoulders.

When Ulquiorra stumbled into his room, he had almost forgotten the woman would be there. She had shrieked upon his entering, startling him into action. He managed to get himself to the bed before his bad leg gave out. He thought he would start healing on his own, but he had underestimated how much of his own reiatsu he'd used up in the battle. His healing abilities were dependent on that.

He didn't want to ask her for help. He knew she could probably heal him in no time, but he didn't want to admit his weakness. He tried snapping at her, saying something mean. But it didn't seem to faze her and she called out her fairies instead. When he felt the warm aura of her shield, he sighed and tried to relax, letting her do what she was best at. He didn't argue, even though he wanted to. It would be a waste of time, he reasoned with himself.

He was starting to feel a lot better. He could feel his wounds closing. He felt more energized. He opened to his eyes when he felt her shield fade. She was swaying on her feet. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she fell to her knees, her head falling into his lap. He grabbed her shoulders out of reflex, to keep her from falling backward and hitting her head on the floor. He wasn't sure what had happened to her.

Ulquiorra strained to pull her into the bed with him. Even though she had closed his wounds and seemingly drained her own reiatsu to help replenish his, she hadn't had the time to heal the muscle and tissue much. He was very sore, and every muscle he possessed protested as he rolled her over his body and onto the bed on his other side.

She was unconscious, as far as he could tell, but nothing else seemed wrong with her. She was breathing normally; her heart was beating as if she were asleep.

He could recognize that sound now. He had spent the entire previous night awake, listening to her heart beating. He didn't have to sleep. His body didn't usually require it. He usually slept out of boredom. Sometimes he slept to help his body heal after a battle. But it wasn't usually necessary. He hadn't suffered for lying awake, listening to her. His body hadn't, anyway.

He looked at her now, sprawled on her side. She was facing him, which she hadn't seemed to do the previous night. Her hair was draped across her face and he found that he didn't like that. He reached over and, with his good hand, pushed the hair back away from her face. His fingers trailed along her cheekbone, savoring the warmth of her skin. She stirred a little and he thought he might have woken her. But she just whimpered in her sleep a little and settled into the pillow more comfortably.

Ulquiorra allowed himself to sigh once again. He knew he was getting himself in too deep but he couldn't stop it. He couldn't help that he wanted to protect her, wanted to keep her from harm.

It made him angry. He was angry that he couldn't withstand the charms of this human girl. A hundred years of stony exterior had crumbled in nearly no time at all. _Not crumbled,_ he thought to himself. _Just cracks. Cracks can be fixed._

He wasn't sure why he was trying so hard to convince himself of this.

Ulquiorra sat up and strained to get the blankets out from underneath them. It was no easy task, and the unconscious woman in his bed didn't help. He finally managed and pulled the sheet and blanket up over them. He settled on his back and closed his eyes. His body needed rest to finish the healing that the woman had started.

That _Orihime_ had started.

* * *

><p>AN: I realize this chapter is a bit short, and I apologize. I had almost the entire thing written earlier, 1900 words of it, and deleted it because it wasn't going in the right direction. So now it's late AND short. But I've had another case of "let's not add words for the sake of words" days and decided to let the darn thing be what it is. Thanks so much for sticking with me and reading. Please review!

Also, I have started a Facebook page for my writing! Please visit me at Facebook . com / Lucawindmover (remove the spaces) and add me as a friend. This is a great way for us authors to keep in touch, for readers to get updates and as questions, make requests and challenges. I think this could be a lot of fun. I look forward to being friends with you all!

Disclaimer: I do not profess to own the rights to any of these characters and I do not profit from writing this story. While I truly enjoy borrowing these wonderful personalities, the credit for their creation goes solely to whoever owns the rights to Bleach. Thanks.


End file.
